Let's Talk About Sex......

Oh geez. I can already see my mom's face when this blog comes rolling through her email! 😜

Hear me out though mom, you will appreciate this post. ( I think). 🥴

By now, most of you know that I am a conservative pastor's wife who isn't afraid to attack controversial issues. For way too long, the topic of sex was a taboo subject in the Christian community. Sure, our pastors would bring up the subject briefly in catechism class and quote the scripture verses about a man and woman bringing forth children to populate the world and raise Christian warriors to bring Christ to all nations. We would hear about how, after the Fall of Adam and Eve in The Garden, that women's pain would increase greatly in childbirth. We would also hear, "Oh and never ever ever have sex before marriage. Ever."

The End.

Ok, well maybe your pastor didn't teach exactly the way I mentioned above, but for many Christians, even though we would be reminded that sin is sin in God's eyes, there were certain sins where the consequences were greater than others. Many pre teens and teens would maybe even take that as hard and fast law, and if sex of any kind were to EVER happen before marriage, we were not "damaged goods." "No going back!" Lots of talk of sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, raising a baby, dropping out of high school, etc.

Now, don't get me wrong. These ARE all very important issues to be talked about and very real consequences of sex before marriage or sex with multiple partners. However, thanks (or no thanks) to public school education, kids started being taught all the "safe"ways to have sex to prevent diseases and pregnancy. "Alright!! Whoo hoo!! YESSS! Sex buffet!" Fast forward to today, and now Kindergarteners are being taught about masturbation, 3rd graders are being questioned about their "gender identity" and schools are withholding this information from parents because, I mean, "Why in the world should parents know the schools are grooming their kids to fit their liberal agenda!?"

The Bible is CRYSTAL clear about sex.

1) It should be between a man and a woman.

Only.

Period.

2) The man and woman should be united in the commitment of marriage.

3) Sex is for pleasure AND for procreation and for bringing the husband and wife together in mutual love and connection. God CREATED sex! When sex is practiced within those confines, it's the most amazing, beautiful, and pleasurable thing possible. God is perfection. Since the world is NOT perfect anymore, sex has become tainted as well. The world has found every possible way to make excuses for their "preferred" sex and to even CONSIDER discussing the dangers and concerns of this with someone is "hateful, bigoted, mysoginist, racist..." you know the drill.

I have mentioned a few times before my love of the "Mama Bear Apologetics" books by Hillary Morgan Ferrer. If you want to learn more the author and her books you can click HERE. In her more recent book, "Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality," the subject of sex is expanded upon greatly from her first book. The world is feeding, at warp speed, the biggest and most disgusting lies about sex to our children, and our children are eating it up. Here are some TRUTHS about sex from a biblical worldview, followed by lies the world endorses, pushes, and shoves down our throats. Even when speaking to an unbeliever, the truth of sex remains the same:

1) "Sex is a married couple repeating their marital vows in bodily form."

No matter how many lies and excuses you can try and convince yourself with, sex is more than just "sex." If you have ever seen the movie Vanilla Sky, there is a scene that gives an incredibly solid example as to why this is so. The two characters in the movie, Julie and David, are two friends who have a LOT (and I mean a lot) of casual sex. Later in the movie, David meets a woman and falls in love with her and Julie goes absolutely psycho. Why?! I mean, they were just "friends with benefits." She screamed at him finally and said, "Don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not!" Basically, sex connects you in a way that doesn't matter what your initial intentions were going to be. When you engage in sex before marriage, you are lying. You are lying to yourself and you are lying to the partner you had/are having sex with. You are repeating a promise you never made. Our bodies cannot differentiate the difference.

2) "The gift of sex doesn't change just because the world and its culture does."

Just because it seems like everyone is living with and having sex with their partners, doesn't mean God has changed his position on sex. The world now not only accepts, but demands all people accept and celebrate the "love is love" theme. Sex with anyone or anything is perfectly fine, because "who you are to deny love?" Oh, and it's not good enough to just walk away and let God deal with all this mess in the end. Ohhh no no no! You must LOVE, ACCEPT, EMBRACE, SUPPORT AND DO ALL YOU CAN TO MAKE EVERY SINGLE PERSON KNOW THAT ANY FORM OF SEXUAL PERVERSION IS WONDERFUL, OR YOU ARE A HATEFUL, HORRIBLE PERSON WHO PROBABLY VOTED FOR TRUMP!! Can you tell through my all caps that I am trying to get a clear message through here? The world HATES the biblical view of marriage and sex, and you no longer get to have that as an option. They have become the very opposite of their "tolerant" claim.

3) "Masturbation, pornography etc is sex with yourself or sex with an idea or visual."

Oh boy. I bet some are reading this, shifting in their seats disagreeing vehemently at that idea. Even in our own Christian community, the topic of masturbation is one of "adiaphora" with some. I do believe the entire Christian community is very against pornography, as we have all seen how it has destroyed marriages, families, sexual performance and more. One very important thing to remember is that the majority of those you see in pornography, even when they may "seem" like they are enjoying it, or perceived as consensual, is very much NEITHER of those. Most of these girls (and yes, men as well ) have been groomed, trafficked, or coerced from young ages to do these types of films, photos, etc. and they know no other life. My husband and I have, in many of our pornography and sex talks with our boys, reminded them that each and everyone one of these girls is someone's daughter, sister, granddaughter, etc. We of course do not want to use Law and guilt only, when dealing with such a sensitive subject. We want our children to see all people as sons and daughters of the King of Kings, and that because of our love, fear and admiration of Him, we would want to treat each women we meet with that respect and love. We also know we are sinful humans who struggle with different sins and levels of sexual sin. Yet, because of Christ, we are MORE than conquerors. We are NO LONGER slaves to those sins!!! I want to also mention, that many studies have shown that what we see or think about, or are exposed to during orgasm, a sexual connection will be bonded with that. That sentence alone could be an entire blog, so I don't want to go too far down that rabbit hole. I do however want to reiterate, that with whom we are sharing an orgasm with IS making a promise of marital vows, because God ordained sex within the confines of marriage.

Full stop.

There is NO sin too great to confess and be forgiven of... never forget that. However, I truly believe that as Christians, if we are being much more open to the topic of sex with our kids from a biblical point of view, we can hopefully prevent more and more of the pain that comes from sexual infidelity.

4)."Just because you had sex before marriage, whether one time or many times with many partners, doesn't mean you are 'damaged goods'."

Let's face it. The teen and early 20's years of raging hormones creates the horniest of human beings, am I right? My husband and I have had the conversation many times, as to why there is SUCH an intense sexual drive during the times when we SHOULDN'T be playing "marriage?" Yet, when marriage and kids and struggles and fatigue come, sex seems to be the last thing on the (usually ) women's mind. Depending on the level of conversations about sex in the earlier years, many teens who lost their virginity can be led into depression and despair. I remember a book I read many years ago called, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Joshua Harris. He felt led to not even kiss the woman he married before their wedding day. This became a big "theme" in the "Duggar Family Style" church denominations. There is nothing wrong with deciding to "court" and never be one on one with your person until the day you get married...I guess? I mean, if you feel led through prayer as a couple to do this, that's awesome!!! The problem with this mentality, is it becomes a very self-righteous way of living. It can also be a very frustrating plan and easy to look "down" on those heathens who choose to go to the movies as a couple and kiss before their wedding day! (*GASP!). In the end, I was surprised, yet not, to learn a few years ago that the the once "Christian heartthrob" of purity and chasteness had left the Christian faith entirely! He now professes to be "deconstructing " from Christianity and identifies as an atheist. That is seriously heartbreaking. We will maybe never know why, but I wonder to myself, did he set himself up for so much failure as a sinner living under a perfect Savior who redeemed us, thinking He could "out run" sin?

Another example of this are churches that push "purity" culture. They will have purity balls, similar to the 'southern bell' balls ,where dads used to "introduce" their now appropriately aged daughter as eligible to the single young lads of the community. In 1992, Dr's Richard Ross and Jimmy Hester proposed the idea of what would eventually be the "True Love Waits" ministry. Trainings, seminars and rallies eventually started for kids to attend that would compare those who lost their virginity before marriage to things like ," chewed up gum," "half-eaten lollipops," "flowers without petals," and "juice that someone had already spit out." Yes, of course we need to talk about the beautfy of waiting for sex until marriage. Absolutely! But what about the raped girl? The sexually abused girl? The depressed, low self-esteem girl who made a bad choice/s out of pressure or the "people-pleasing disease?" What about the boy or girl who just straight up walked away from God's commands? You know, like the Prodigal Son, who now was wanting to start over, forgiven and new? Those types of former comments I mentioned could be DEVESTATING not only to the emotional health, but even more importantly, the SPIRITUAL health of many of those teens present. We need to preach what God's word says about sex, not what grandma would say if you got pregnant before you were married, or how you wouldn't be able to wear white to your wedding. No child of God should be left thinking, "Well, I guess I am just washed up trash, so the best I can hope for is some other piece of washed up rift raft who can tolerate my "deflowered" self." NO!!!!!!! That is NOT how God looks at His forgiven children, so we should not either! Lead with Law, but end, and dump it on HEAVY, with Grace.

5) Sex is for conceiving children and I suppose a LITTLE enjoyment, but let's not get carried away..."

Ok, so I had to throw this 5th point in here because, being the history NERD I am, was watching a history documentary the other day on sex during the Middle Ages in the Christian church and how it was perceived. I don't know how these ideas were not only conceived of, but ACTUALLY put into practice, but here they are:

• Sex was not to be had on weekends

• Missionary position only ( Seriously, were people actually checking in on this?!)

• You could not be fully naked ( That would cause too much sexual desire and arousal from either spouse and we could not have any of that!)

• Sex was for conceiving children only and there was to be no fun or pleasure. Of course the man would reach climax because this is a prerequise for conception to happen. However, not only was a woman not considered to be pleasured by her husband, he was told NOT TOO!

When I read these I was flabbergasted! Of course Joel walked in as I was watching this documentary and was like "What in the world are you watching?!" hahaha. Let's be real. The church has been real weird at times, but this era was REALLY weird. I mean, where in the world did they come up with these rules, and how in any way, shape or form did they think this was a biblical representation of sex within marriage?

Have you read Song of Solomon?!?!?

Now, granted today, we live in a world where a regular Netflix series is considered "fantastic entertainment" and can easily brush off the obvious elephant that what it ACTUALLY is, is porn (ahem Game of Thrones)! We see two-piece bathing suits on the beach, which are nothing more than a shoelace up the butt crack, and maybe two eyepatches over a woman's nipples, as acceptable. Not only that, we are then berated and belittled if we ask that said woman at the beach if she could slightly cover up her BARE BUTT AND BOOBS, because of the oodles and oodles of men, children and women seeing her full moon! Nope. Now we are the arrogant, spiteful, hateful, misogynist, despicable humans who are sick for even asking and our husbands and boys should be castrated if their eyes are tempted to dart.

UGH! It can be a hard knock life for the Christian and this worldly "Sexual Revolution."

But, take heart. Those who know me, know that I pretty much daily will say, "yet there is nothing new under the sun." Yes, things change, culture changes and people weave in and out of acting as self- righteous legalists to Sodom and Gomorrah wannabes. Never forget, the world was SO awful, so horrible, that Abraham pleaded with God, "Oh Lord, if there are only 10 righteous people in this city will you not destroy it?" And God said to him,

"Yes, if there are even 10 righteous, I will not."

Do you remember how that ended?

Yeah....there weren't even 10. Men were begging for other men to be thrown over to them so they could sodomize them. This filth and sadness has been going on since the beginning of time when man first sinned. Babies have been sacrificed to the pagan god Molech since the Old Testament, and are still being sacrificed in even larger numbers to the Molech of today... Planned Parenthood. Sexual orgies and ritual sacrifices were the "religion" of pagans then, and the same satanic living continues as we get closer and closer each day to Judgement Day.

It's because of sin that sex has been twisted. I have to remind you yet again, because we have been bought back, we are no longer slaves to that sin. Our dark, blood stained robes have been stripped away, and the pure, bright, white cloak of Jesus' righteousness has been draped and wrapped over our imperfect bodies. THERE IS NO SIN TO GREAT THE LORD HASN'T ALREADY PAID THE PRICE FOR ON CALVARY! Not for the homosexual sin, the high school boyfriend sexual sin, or the prostitute by choice sin. Also, for the sin of OTHERS, who abused, trafficked, sold and traded sex on innocent, scared and naive girl. You are NOT the product of THEIR sin. It is like nothing happened to you in God's eyes, because even though He weeps for the hurt and violation that was forced upon you, you are still as beautiful today as you were the very day He created you.

Wherever you are in your walk in life, you are precious and loved in His sight. You are not damaged, broken, or dirty. You are not chewed up, spit out or unloveable. You are still a beautiful rose, with all it's perfect, velvety petals, sprinkled with the first dew of morning.

Go now, and live in that love and acceptance!! Protect and honor your body, because of HOW MUCH God loves you!!!

"You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;

you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,

with one jewel of your necklace.

How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!

How much better is your love than wine,

and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!"

~Song of Solomon 4:9-10