There was a song about 5 years ago called " Dear Younger Me" by the talented group Mercy Me. A part of the song lyrics read this:
"Dear younger me Where do I start If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far Then you could be One step ahead Of all the painful memories still running thru my head I wonder how much different things would be Dear younger me,
Dear younger me I cannot decide Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life Or do I go deep And try to change The choices that you'll make cuz they're choices that made me Even though I love this crazy life Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride Dear younger me, dear younger me"
Oh, how these lyrics so resonate with me. First of all, the song is super catchy, so I encourage you to go and listen to it! :). But secondly, l feel like the writer of this song and I would get along really well. So, today, I am going to go out on a limb and try to write my own personal, "Dear younger me.." letter to my thirteen year old self.
Dear younger me,
Hello my dear girl! It's me! Your 42 year old self. Life sure has been a ride! I don't want to get too in detail about my life as of now, because you have so much to experience and I surely don't want to ruin the surprise. :)
By now, you have moved twice. Once from your birth state of South Dakota and twice from your elementary years in rural Nebraska. You have already been through a lot sweet girl. Lots of illnesses, depression, OCD, anxiety....You have lived through the horrific news of knowing your best friend and her sisters were sexually abused for years by their grandfather. All of whom attended and were active in your small, country church that has been a rock in your life. Dad was pastor there and living right next door to church and school, it encompasses your life. But please remember dear one, this was not your fault, nor did it happen to you. The devil is going to try and use this horrific tragedy to somehow instill guilt and fear and panic into your soul. He is going to try and make you doubt every ounce of the redemption He has already won in you. RUN! RUN FROM THAT WICKED SNAKE! Do not let him take the joy in your innocent heart and mind, over someone else's sin. Jesus is with you every step of the way, and "no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent."
Your junior high years will be just that....junior high! Boys will be boys! You will gain a little weight, and that's ok. Life happens. Remember to make good choices. Please do not let those boys determine your worth and beauty. They will do boy things. (These boys will be "exceptionally" something.....they like to poke fun, punch and hit, smoke cigarettes...) remember, they have their own battles and demons they are fighting. It isn't you. There isn't a thing wrong with YOU! They will call you fat and other mean names. Remember, they do it to everyone! They don't hold respect for authority. So as much as it hurts, please don't stop eating and start exercising incessantly to gain their approval. You will mess up your menstrual cycle, lose circulation and cause a lot of pain for yourself and your family. Instead, just stop biking down to the local Kwik Trip everyday with your friend Liz and buying donuts, kit kats and Clearly Candians. How about making that a once a month treat vs an every other day thing? You will feel better and not gain the weight that made you so much more insecure of your already insecure self. Also, remember Grandma Irma loves you fiercely. When you grow older and have your own children, she will be one of your best friends!!! She will be in your corner every step of the way and your biggest fan. Her comments yearly when she sees you, letting you know how much "bigger or smaller " you got, is not her way of disapproving of you. She is just a really blunt woman, and has her own insecurities. She really does love you and only wants the best for you! You will enjoy every moment of your adult life God grants you with her.
High school will be a roller coaster too. These will be your "golden years" though so please try and enjoy them! Don't let the devil keep convincing you that you are fat and worthless! My goodness! I look back of photos of me now, from then, and sheesh, we are a KNOCKOUT!!! You don't need to wear plunging, tight midriffs, but you also most definitely do not need to cover up in huge flannels and baggy pants. You are going to go through a "phase." Nirvana, White Zombie, and the "lucid" Beatles era will be some of your favorite jams. That's ok, because it will make you who I am today. A music lover of ALL genres, and your second son someday will be the exact same way! It really is so fun having a child you share so many similar passions with.
Boys will like you. But please, don't sacrifice your body for their pleasure. They don't truly "like" you. They don't even like themselves. They are kids too. So, please try to remember that. Letting down your guard and giving into peer pressure never. ends. well.
Like, ever.
But remember, when you do (because we ALL do,) you have a Savior who is never leaving or forsaking you, and always, always, there, waiting for you, ready to forgive you, and comfort and strengthen you.
There will be one specific high school teacher who won't like you. Why? Because she really doesn't like herself. She is doing well now and I, truly today, do not believe she meant to hurt you. But, she will. It will try to eat away at you, question every aspect of who you are, and bring you to tears many times. It won't make sense. But remember this. Life doesn't make much sense, apart from Christ. However, when we hold all things up to the light of Scripture, it really DOES make sense. You will still feel hurt. Pain. Experience sadness, overwhelm, burnout, mistrust, anger...all the feelings. When you do however, stop. Take a deep breath (preferrably the 4,7,8 breathing I teach my clients today) and just focus on one favorite verse from the Bible. Remember, Jesus and His word are The Way, The Truth and The Life. His word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. When all else feels dark, cold and damp, turn to Him. RUN to Him. And the light will start to take over the dark, the warmth over the damp, cold space occupying your heart. It will truly, be the balm to your Gilead. (You will always think of that song because you will sing it in Sound Foundation with Mr. Witt. ;) )
You have quite a ride awaiting. There will be pain,loss and health struggles. Relationship hurt, marriage strife and child raising obstacles. There will be political strife, world wide lies, evil in every corner you turn to. Even then, the Lord will always be there. He will comfort you, heal you, and give you hope.
I promise you this. Your life will be amazing, ONLY and ALL, because of Him.
Love,
Your Older me.
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