Are you an empath? Do you know what an empath is? From Google's defining, "An empath is a person highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them." Whether you classify as an empath or not, doesn't necessarily matter if Learned Helplessess affects you, but it definitely can make it more likely.
When we see things in the world that are hurting others or ourselves, we immediately want to change that. We don't like the feeling of feeling sad, angry, hurt etc, but we also don't like to see others hurting as well. Especially those whom we love. We want it to stop. If it doesn't stop on it's own, we want to be the ones to immediately bring it to an end. When we can't bring it to an end (which is often the case) we are left feeling despair and helpless. Thus the term, "Learned Helplessness."
Another way of looking at this situation is this:
Maybe there is no direct harm, but we are bothered. For example, if someone is playing loud music and cussing up a storm at the beach, we can pack up our things and move to another area. Problem solved. However, what if this same scenario is our life, in the home. Maybe our children are out of control and we have not learned how to reign it in. Maybe a teenage child or husband doesn't take in to consideration the sensory issues you may have, and plays their music insanely loud, yells constantly, cusses etc, and we can't do a thing about it. We can't pack up and leave like the beach scene. We are stuck.
We are left feeling, helpless.
When this happens, we are left feeling even MORE stuck and helpless. This can cause us to do things such as withdraw, shut down, isolate. You believe the lie, " I am incapable of changing the things I do not like." As this thought continues on and on, it can lead to chronic issues of anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and other physical and emotional issues.
Getting stuck in this pattern only worsens the problem. We may "think" we are "handling" it, by shoving it down deep, learning to get by, which is really only an unhealthy view of acceptance. We tell ourselves to "suck it up" and the problem will go away. But it doesn't go away. It builds, and grows and creates a large amount of debt in your head. I was told once by a therapist, "It's like having bill after bill after bill come into your head but you never pay it off. You just let it sit and build until you created an extraordinary amount of emotional debt. Eventually you become emotionally bankrupt. You can only truly start to heal as your process those bills being paid off. One at a time.
Often times, people will visit their health practitioner, with things such as digestive upset, insomnia, muscle aches and pains, etc, and after a complete evaluation and testing, are told, "It's in your head. Here is some medication for that. You're just depressed." We scoff and get angry at this often because we feel like doctors aren't listening to us. Now, don't get me wrong, often people ARE told this and it isn't JUST "depression." However, many physical diagnoses often ARE the result of years and years of trauma that has never been dealt with and this thing we call, Learned Helplessness.
Other things we may see with Learned Helplessness is disrupted relationships, "checking out," anger outbursts, manic behavior, impulsive decisions, etc. Overspending, chronic shopping, "mid-life crisis," never feeling settled or content....all possible outcomes of Learned Helplessness.
Does this sound like you? Maybe someone you love?
Don't lose hope. Not even for a second. There is HOPE! Lots of hope! Just like the image of that light at the end of the tunnel, there is a way to change thought patterns, behavior and habits, to start healing from the effects of Learned Helplessness. Now, I am not a licensed therapist, so I cannot be the one to tell you what to do, but I CAN tell you, that this little thorn in my side was a big part of my life, for many, many years, and through God's Grace and the properly trained professionals He brought to me, I have come so far through my feelings (both physically and mentally) of bottling up the things "I cannot control."
Remember the Serenity Prayer?
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference."
It's a beautiful, simple prayer, isn't it?
For the believer, we know FULL WELL God has all things in His control. But sometimes, knowing and feeling don't want to get along with each other, do they! As Christians, we often struggle with guilt (possible from how we were raised), that it's a lack of faith that makes us feel sad, worried, depressed, etc.
FIRST and foremost, know this: THAT IS A LIE!!! Do not let anyone ever tell you that or make you feel that way. If you are ever told that from here on out, respectfully, but FIRMLY, tell that person to take a HIKE! haha! No, I'm just kidding, don't do that. Do tell them, however, they are sharing dangerous ungodly information that could seriously hurt another human being. Often, those saying this don't MEAN to be hurting, in fact they usually think they are helping! But the reality is, they are not. So that is number one. That kind of mindless, ignorant rhetoric needs to stop.
Period. STOP!
Second. No matter where we are at in life, the FIRST thing that does need to be addressed is our relationship with our Creator and Savior, Jesus Christ. I highly recommend that finding a WELL TRAINED, doctrinally sound Christian therapist, in addition to a WELL TRAINED holistic and conventional psychiatrist is equally important. PLEASE, do not shun the idea of medical help, ever! But also, do not think medication alone will solve your problems. It will not. I can attest to that. Medication is a blessing and I myself use it for my specific issues, but my trained counselors with Christianity as their base, is literally on the same level of importance. Habit change and mindset sometimes alone can be the ticket, with or without medication. We are all unique, special, and wonderfully designed by our Creator. He wants nothing but the best for us, because that was His intention when He created the world. He knew when sin entered, He now had to pay the ultimate sacrifice by giving up his Son. But He did it. No questions asked, no hemming and hawing and pondering and bartering.
He just did it.
That is what led me on the path to becoming a Life Coach, focusing on Health and Wellness. I lived that life and walked (and crawled at times) that road for so long, that once I was freed from that prison of torment, I could do nothing but want to use my experiences to help other women do the same,
We are living in a hurt filled world. Before the year 2020, mental health issues were at an all time struggle. I have friends and family that work in the mental health profession, so I can attest to what they are seeing with their own words. It is absolutely shocking and brutal. They are emotionally and physically drained, but they continue to fight on, because their passion is helping others.
Moderate to severe depression among adults jumped from 7.0 percent to 30.2 percent over the pandemic.
The greatest concern is anxiety among young adults: during the pandemic, 43.5 percent reported moderate to severe anxiety.
Baylor University saw a 110 percent increase in counseling cases over the pandemic. Student counseling appointments were up 73 percent at Biola University in La Mirada, California.
Humans were made and designed, by God, to work and to be in companionship. Two things our government wrongly and illegally did. Not only did this hurt the pocketbooks of many, the damage the isolation did to people, specifically elderly and children/teens is nothing but criminal. I daily pray for justice to be served on earth to these men and women who did this. But I also know, that if not here, then they will never be able to escape the Judgement that awaits us by the one and only eternal Judge.
As I said before, I am not a licensed health care professional, but I am a licensed Life Coach, with a LIFE-long history of mental and physical health struggles. I (with Jesus as my pilot) miraculously made it to the other side by the grace of God. I want to to be able to help you do the same. I want to show you the strategies you can use to live, breathe, and feel your best, mentally, physically, but most importantly, spiritually.
I know you can do this.
Message me today to see if breaking the throes of Learned Helplessness is what is holding you back from living the life you continue to hope and dream for. xoxo
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